Help, I am seriously in need of some answers!!!?

I am in serious need of some advice about my issue with other females. I often find myself jealous of the way they are comfortable with their feminity, their manners.. etc. I am a female who has been verbally abused by her father, he is emotionally distant, verbally abusive, used to call me ugly when I was younger, and made fun of me, called me names. Yet, at the same time, he wants me to be a high achiever and to even get a graduate degree perhaps. It is weird. When I was a kid, because I never felt affirmed by him, he never called me pretty, beautiful or said "I love you". Because of this, I used to sometimes dress up in comfortable clothes, like a guy. I find that when I am around him especially, I am very awkward and I do not like to appear "feminine and beautiful or sexual" in any way. I purposefully walk awkward, look awkward and stiff because I feel so tense and ugly around him. But I have many guys who crush on me, and I have a boyfriend who tells me I am beautiful all the time. All my aunts and my mom think I am very pretty. except my father. he never told me I am. Because of this, I think, I resent other females who are comfortable with their bodies, with their sexuality, and are naturally "in flow" with it... whereas me, I either try too hard and end up looking hungry for attention or needy, in turn making most of other women dislike me, or become jealous, or, I end up covering up my sexuality, acting as if I am "Sexless" - androgynous... but then I feel unattractive to males. I don't know what to do about this. I want to feel feminine, I want to be comfortable with myself. But I feel like I am disgusting, no matter how many men tell me otherwise. I need help!